


I surrender to change

by AriamRav



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22212682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriamRav/pseuds/AriamRav
Summary: “We bend, we lean, but we don’t break. Our spines are steel when needed and yet for you, I yield."A companion piece to my first story, I Yield to you, except a look into what Akihiko might've felt.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	I surrender to change

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! My second story I've written so far. If you read between the lines, there might be some spoilers for those who haven't read the manga. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

Akihiko doesn’t remember when it became a game, but he remembers when it changed into his reality.

He didn’t have a first impression on a quavering voice and golden hair inviting him to a band. He already knows that love hurts. He understands that music can be painful, that some lasting impressions are better left behind. He hears love in notes, comfort in a pounding rhythm, safety in a steady beat, but feels a stinging pain in his heart. He wonders when he can free himself, and even deeper, cries out if he even wants too. He’s waiting for a chance. He creates memories in a steady bass and a guitar backed by his powerful drums. He plays on a stage that is for him, a stage he can feel powerful. Here, he doesn’t think about being second best. Akihiko doesn’t hear a violin that strips him to the core and exposes his insecurity. Here with his band mates, he is unrelenting and confident.

This smugness bleeds out into his life. It starts off small, a teasing remark meant to fluster. For being older than him, Haruki's reactions are innocent. His flustered face brings a positive emotion to Akihiko; It almost feels like joy. Akihiko ignores the tingling in his palm, and the flutters in his stomach. He reaches out, curling a single strand of hair around his finger,and watches red bloom on cheeks. Akihiko thinks quietly about how that one action brings more happiness in his life, than the handful of people he’s fucked that week. He enjoys watching hair length, enjoys the simple knowledge that it’s for him and only him.

Akihiko knows love in stages. He has experienced the sudden, unstoppable force that happens when two eyes meet. He understands the unrelenting passion that two people can share. And when the fire burns down, Akihiko lives through the goodbyes and well wishes. Akihiko is stuck in a space in which he yearns for acknowledgment from a man that once ignited a wildfire in his heart, but now, he is left with ashes and regrets. He wonders if there is more beyond this pain. He quietly exist in this place, lost, lonely, condensed, scared, waiting for hope.

The wind blows gently bringing with it a fresh scent, crisp changes, and soft smile. Being with Haruki is a breath of fresh air, a tease of promise. Akihiko can feel opportunities on the swaying wind, sense growing chances beneath his feet, and see rays of golden light for his future. The future opens before him in ways he could never see before. He listens to the love in music, and begins to yearn for a different type of acceptance. Unfortunately, Akihiko is cursed to see things to late.

He knows he is on a downward spiral. He sleeps with anyone who shows him a modicum of interest. He crashes on Haruki’s couch avoiding his problems. He drinks and laughs but there is a darkness gaining on him, unlocking the box he shoved it in. He waits, it waits, Haruki waits: And then, it explodes.

He knows he should pace himself. He should slow down with the drinks, but the high of the music, and the thrill of Haruki next to him it, all adds up to something he could’ve never controlled. Haruki offers him everything he has ever wanted, unknowingly it hurts Akihiko to hear. For one second, He wants Haruki to feel his pain, to drown like he has, and when he comes back for air, Haruki is underneath him, teary-eyed and whispering no. A quietly whispered rejection meant to slow, to preserve friendship, to wait for a better time. It comes off as a scream. Akihiko is taken back enough for Haruki to free himself and run. Akihiko wonders if he’ll stop running, if Haruki will run so fast, and so far that Akihiko will never catch up again.

The next day, Akihiko observes his golden future shaved short, and coldly explaining the new boundaries. Akihiko wants to hate, but he knows that this love will be worth the uphill battle. He breathes in slowly and begins a new chapter, a better one, a one with the ending they both deserve.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


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